LOVE CLINIC: How to protect your child from being sexually abused

She came home unexpectedly one day and got the shock of her life. Her kids, Kayode (male), Bunmi (female), brother-in-law, Wale and maid, Sade, were gathered in one room watching a porn movie! They were not just watching porn, they were watching it naked! They were not just naked and watching porn, they were also acting it out – Wale to the maid, and Kayode to Bunmi!

Elsewhere, a child is peeping through the door’s keyhole as daddy and mummy are having sex.

And somewhere else, the next door neighbour, Uncle James is always buying gifts for three-year-old Cynthia. Cynthia’s mum is always glad to have James relieve her of Cynthia’s stress by taking her to his  apartment while she concentrates on her customers at the shop.

The stories above led to one child sexual abuse or the other.

READ: Teacher arrested for having anal sex with pupil in Ibadan

Everyday, the headlines scream of news of child sexual crimes. Fathers defiling their daughters, old men are raping two-year-old girls.

According to a report cited by Pastor Tope Abiara, a family life coach, one out of every six boys have experienced sexual abuse before turning 18 while for girls, it is one out of every four.

Abiara, who, on Monday, spoke at a seminar on “How to protect your child against sexual abuse” explained that there are four types of child sexual abuse:

  • Exposure – letting the child see sexually explicit images including porn, live or via the media – internet, TV, magazines or photos and videos on phones
  • Non-genital touching – caressing the child in areas apart from the private parts
  • Genital touching – touching the private parts
  • Penetrative – vaginal or anal penetration

Tope Abiara

Abiara, who runs Love Clinic with Tope Abiara advised parents to be very observant of their children’s condition at every point in time so as to detect quickly if and when they are being sexually abused.

She also advised that parents should keep communication channels with their kids open, talking to them about healthy sexual development and things that constitute an abuse.

According to Abiara, some people naturally and genuinely love being with children, so there is no need getting paranoid. But she advised that parents should begin to suspect, if they notice these people doing the following:

  • ALways speaking or answering for the child
  • Insisting on hugging or kissing the child even when the child is not interested.
  • Overtly interested or commenting on the sexual development of the child or teenager. For example, saying things like “Wow, see how big your breasts have grown”
  • Insisting on spending time with the child alone
  • Always buying expensive gifts for the child and treating and telling that child that he or she is the favourite among other kids around.

On what to do when a child reports an abuse, Abiara advised parents to adopt a positive approah by believing the child, being supportive, staying calm and not yelling, assuring the child of safety and then getting help by taking action.

The life coach warned that there could be problem when the following is noticed:

  • The child acting out in inappropriate sexual ways with toys or objects
  • Having sleeping problems
  • Becoming withdrawn or secretive
  • Pain and discomfort while urinating
  • Suddenly going back to bed wetting
  • Pain, discoloration, bleeding or discharges from genitals, anus or mouth.

Mrs Abiara, who is wife of Pastor Elijah Abiara, son of Chief Evangelist of the Christ Apostolic Church, Prophet S.K Abiara, finally warned parents against cover ups.

“It is important to take immediate actions agianst any form of sexual abuse. Cover ups mean that these crimes will continue to destroy the future of our children”, she advised



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